mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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