I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
