Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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