It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
