Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
