I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
