He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need to sanitize my soul.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
