look no pants
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize