dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
