wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
