Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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