Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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