wrigley field is MILF paradise
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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