I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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