I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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