Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
