So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
A+ Viking dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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