This is not my ceiling
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
