he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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