sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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