im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sober January is a disaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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