Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
