I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
