please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
