I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
