while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
