There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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