Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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