Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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