my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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