i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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