i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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