oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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