if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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