you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize