When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
