i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
