The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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