Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
