I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can I color on your dick again?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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