Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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