just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
