i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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