I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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