Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
