Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
