...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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