I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
