I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
