I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
