Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
