just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
