sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
