Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
