um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
