So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
