Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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