I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
