Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
