I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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