I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
