You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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