Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize