I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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