She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am available for nakedness
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
