Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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