Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize