I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
