you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
