Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
