giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
