I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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