Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
