so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
