Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
