omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
