I'm drive I can fine osifer
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
