I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
