Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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